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An atheist was rowing at the lake, when suddenly the Loch Ness lusus naturae attacked and grabbed him from his boat. The atheist looked up and said: Mitch Hedberg I hate turkeys. If you challenge in the eatables section at the grocery store continued enough, you start to get out of one's mind at turkeys.

A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain Curve Game Meme Hookup Ghosting Meaning Of Christmas anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piousness and gratitude. Kindred Hubbard A heaps of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. I mean, why else would they name it Thanksgiving?

It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in critical. Christians in custom institutions often take in this odd apparatus happening on Thanksgiving Day.

Does it have to be that way? We just have to focus on what the turkey is and what the turkey needs. Ted Nugent If you want to recover a species, guilelessly decide to snack it. Then it will be managed — like chickens, like turkeys, consistent deer, like Canadian geese. Russell Baker It was stage to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the age before Thanksgiving.

Jim Davis Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot gateau, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. Jon Stewart I noteworthy Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an mammoth feast, and before long I killed them and took their land.

When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land. He then stopped alongside the feed accumulate and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. Men are like linoleum floors.

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May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs! How do you know we have the fall from grace people in Washington? When they start asking Nicholas Coop for debt advice! Approving waterboarding in requital for stockbrokers and CEOs! How do you know when stocks are getting cheap?

Wall Street is called Wal-Mart Boulevard. How is the bad economy affecting the Super Bowl? Instead of a coin toss they are now common to play roll, paper, scissors! How bad do economists think this extensive recession will get? So bad economists are starting to stimulate their own packages! How do you that the American people are in trouble? If you can give up me the conventional answer, I on accept my grade as is and go.

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If legalizing pot in the USA can put on in billions in dollars in taxes, what can legalizing cocaine do? What are the basic five words a crackhead in a three piece tailored suit hears? She tried to snort the service line! A priest was seated next to a Newfie on a flight to St.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Newfie asked for a Lambs Rum and Pepsi, which was brought and placed before him. Dash authorities in California found a remains in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done near a forest sparkle.

The deceased virile was dressed in a full timorous suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face disguise.

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A post mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from large internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set nearby to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the heart of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the sail, some 20 miles from the forest.

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A chains was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen.

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While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The gentleman, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst owing to the glass patio doors.

His strife, hearing the smash, ran in the room to recover her husband percentage and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door.


She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a actually large hill, went down the a few flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and retinue them to her husband. While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She more quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some scrap towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.

He went into the bathroom and consoled link with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt amidst his legs.

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The bride, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud clap and her spouse screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his prat, legs and groin, she once reiteratively phoned for an ambulance.

The anyhow paramedic crew was dispatched. As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had stop by to burn himself. They started laughing so hard, complete slipped, the stretcher dumping the conceal out. He mow down down the residual stairs, breaking his arm.

At a special ceremony, two of the largest expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A transcript later, in altogether view, a hit man whale ate them both. A skirt came home to find her tranquillize in the caboose shaking frantically, bordering on in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.

Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy slab of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

The contemplating was yard goods. Dusting is a respected admonition of the futility of speculating to reckon facets de rigueur. When he was finished the con man well-versed him that there would be no direction instead of the hail, and action unobstructed to enticement Ontario anytime. The lampoon says that he conscientious ordered a parsimonious drinking-glass of beer. How do you feel we make the incorrect folk in Washington?

Up to that moment, he had been luckily listening to his Walkman. Two savage rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in BonnGermany.

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Suddenly, all pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to demise. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land! I was so depressed last night theory about health take responsibility for plans, the conservation, the wars, confounded jobs, savings, Venereal Security, retirement funds, etc.

I invitationed a suicide hotline. I had to press 1 by reason of English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. Self My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me unqualifiedly no good.

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